Just move on up, and keep on wishin'
Today has been better than Christmas (sorry Jesus). Not only is it Friday, but it's warm and sunny, and I got my bonus! Oh yeah baby. The Scarylibrarian's gonna make a little stop at
Tiffany. One small pet peeve I have: people who think that it's Tiffany's. There is no "s" at the end, so please, when referring to this mecca of sparkly joy use the proper name.
Turns out there will be no dancing tonight, which is fine with me. I've been going through a weird "wake up at the crack of dawn to exercise" phase and I want to milk it for all it's worth. The weather here has been phenomenal so tomorrow I'm planning to go to an 8:00 spinning class at the gym and then go hiking with TBF. (I also plan on bombarding my innards with allergy medicine.)
I have to do a ton writing this weekend because I've fallen behind on my query schedule. The good news: got another rejection this week from Family Circle. The great news: I got a personalized rejection from Teen People. I'm talking personal letter head, hand writtern in ink
REJECTION. I am
STOKED. I have never been this happy to be rejected. Movin' on up the rejection ladder ... It's just a matter o' time before I get my break. (I'll officially start to worry if I don't get a decent gig after the 300th rejection.)
My little Cuckoo has her "date" tomorrow. Lovely readers, think good thoughts for her.
And we're so rich in love, we're rollin' in cashmere, got it in fifth gear, baby
Life as an attached lady is fun, but sometimes one must live vicariously through their friends. The vivacious Cuckoo is going out on a blind date on Saturday! This is Cuckoo's first date in three years, and Mrs. Sellner and I are squeezing out every little drop of detail out of her, so we can share the drama. It's been three years since Cuckoo's last date, so she's a little out of practice. I've been with TBF for the same amount of time, but I still remember a thing or two from my dating machine days. Believe it: the Scarylibrarian was once really great at being single. It's nice to finally impart my knowledge onto somebody; I feel so Mr. Miyagi to Cuckoo's Karate Kid. For instance, never order anything involving long, stringy, spaghetti like noodles on your first date. Why? Cause it's too hard to eat. Nobody looks cute eating spaghetti. No foods with red sauce, either. There's too much potential for it to get on your clothes and stain your cute outfit.
What constitutes a date? I'm a little old fashioned (more on this philosophy later) about what a date consists of - my guideline is that if he pays for the food, it's a date. Cuckoo is meeting Mr. Mystery for lunch at a restaurant, and asked me how she should handle the tab when the bill comes. Her options:
If she likes him: offer to split the tab. If he's a gentleman he'll insist on paying. If he pays for the meal and she thinks that she might want to see him again, she can say, "Okay ... but I'll have to get it next time." If he doesn't pay for the meal ... well, some ladies may interpret this as okay and that the guy is cool with the women's liberation movement. I would just think that fool was cheap. I'd advise her to feign a headache and go home and get over it, even if he looks like
Kelly Slater.
If she doesn't like him: offer to split the tab. Again, if he's a gentleman he'll insist on paying. She should leave out the "I'll get it next time" bit. If she doesn't like him for reasons other than no chemistry (because he was rude or offensive during the dinner) I'd advise her to insist on paying her part. My reasoning - don't give him the satisfaction of thinking it was a date.
The secret to dating isn't all that complicated.I can't believe there's a whole genre of books dedicated to it at the bookstore. My great friend and dating guru, Bootastic, told me that it all boils down to two things. The first is mystery. You've got to be catchable, but not too catchable. The second thing is to have a good attitude. If you go into a date thinking "Oh my god, if I like this guy then we can start dating and then we can get engaged and then I can finally have that brood of children and the two car garage house I've always wanted" you will just turn yourself into a nut. Go into the situation knowing that hey, if it works out, cool, if it doesn't, at least you got the chance to meet a nice person who perhaps you could set a few of your single friends up with. You never know. They might have a friend who they could set you up with.
Shut it up, just shut up, shut up
The Scarylibrarian recognizes that it ain't easy living the life of high class and style. As a service to all of man and woman kind, every Tuesday from this point forward (or until I get tired of it) will be known as "SHUT UP AND LISTEN TUESDAY".
You'll learn many a way to just do it all better, Scarylibrarian style.
Lesson one: How to piss off Republicans while you are on camera.
Recently (like, today), the Black Assassin (the BA) and I had the opportunity to air our thoughts on the state of the country and our perception of the US military. A woman and her camera crew stopped us on the street to interview us. I guess they needed some brown people who looked like crazy liberals. They probably chose the BA because he was wearing a shirt that said "Free Mumia" and me because I just looked bitchy (in reality, it was a look of hunger, as I was in a must-have-carbs-or-kill kind of mode.) It soon became clear what side of the fence she was on, because after every one of our answers she would twitch disapprovingly. When you are in a situation where you know the interviewer supports a hate mongering bourgeoisie favoring social security dismantling political party, you can do a number of things. If you are into shock value, yell stuff like, "POWER TO THE PEOPLE!" and "BROWN FOLK RISE UP!" while raising your fist in the air. Or, if you like the subtle route, you can tilt your head and say, "The methods of marketing that the US army uses to blatantly recruit minorities has hit a new low. Have you seen the one where the brown kid is talking to his mom in the kitchen? He tells her, ‘But mom, this is the only way for me to go to college. You instilled this in me.’ The mom just sits there looking sad but a little hopeful. Having commercials that use MTV like tactics to convince minorities that the service will land you a kick ass job as an astronaut or a college degree is false advertising! Show the kids what they’re REALLY getting into - a desert with a bunch of people shooting at your brown ass."
Now watch that lady twitch, twitch, twitch.
A hawk, a quail, the promise of spring
It's been difficult to be inside, as the weather has been unbelievably fantastic here, and every one has spring fever. We're pretty spoiled in Nor Cal. The winters never really get that cold, and are still relatively short. The next few days look like 70 degree weather, which means two things: 1.) all of the cute boys emerge from their cocoons and 2.) allergy season is here. Last year I went to the allergist and I had the pleasure of getting a series of shots to test what exactly I was allergic to. The allergist first writes a series of numbers on your forearm with a pen. The number amount depends on what they plan on testing you for. Then, she pulls out this little tray full of individual needles. Each needle corresponds with a number written on your forearm, and each needle has a specific allergen, like essence de cat or l'eau de pollen. Then, the sadistic bastard pokes you with each needle. Do the math. That's 40 shots! Pleasurable it was not. Then, if you are allergic to something, the spot that the needle was inserted will swell up in response to how allergic you are to something. I ended up getting these huge, nasty welts that lasted for three days. I found out that I was truly meant to be a city dweller, because because I'm allergic to most of nature (certain groups of trees, grass, pollen, and flowers). I might as well be Bubble Girl.
Yesterday I had a lovely brunch with Mrs. Sellner and Cuckoo. I drove into the Sunset to pick up Cuckoo and it was miraculously sunny. Every body was out and about; it almost looked like a normal beach town. It was even sunny for the entire weekend!
Anyway, Cuckoo and I trekked down to the vast, flat, expanse that is the South Bay, and ate at Hobbee's in Campbell, which is known for their blueberry coffee cake. Yum! Mrs. Sellner is active in community theater and both Cuckoo and I have sat through many musicals to show our support. Her latest endeavor was her first choreography gig for a kid's musical. At brunch, Mrs. Sellner sadly informed us that she wasn't able to get us tickets, and although I was kind of disappointed, I was secretly delighted to not have to sit through an afternoon of children dancing and singing off key. Yes, I'm a grouchy beast.
News on the query rejection front: I got my first handwritten note last week from the editor at Self magazine. It was a minor step up from the last rejection, which was just a signed form letter. I got a short "Thanks for your thoughts" at the end.
