Monday, January 31, 2005

Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the Sun

Yesterday my mom called me to tell me that a family friend died. He committed suicide. I was standing right next to the apple bin at Safeway when she told me this. Note to file: you can actually have a semi-nervous breakdown in the fruit and vegetable section at Safeway without anybody noticing you or saying a goddamn thing. Just in case you were wondering. I am angry, because I can't believe that he was so selfish to do this to his family. I am also so sad - sad for his mom, dad, and sister, and so sad for him, that he felt that his life had gotten to the point where he could not face another day. All I can see in my head is a picture of him as a child, a mop full of blonde hair, always tagging along after me and his sister.

Today I discovered how I handle grief: I work my ass off to distract myself from sadness. I've actually known this for a long time, but today, it struck me with such clarity. The sadder I am, the harder I work.

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