You gotta fight for your right
The repercussions of childhood reverberate long after those years are over. Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be power tripping lawyers! Beady eyes strikes again: his new favorite thing to do is to write me long winded emails explaining what asinine task he wants me to undertake. In the time that it takes him to write these long winded emails, he could have completed the asinine task himself. His little elitist mind lashes out against all the bullies that picked on him when he was pale lump of unathletic childhood by bossing me around. Little does he know that he’ll never be the boss of me, and each time he gains pleasure by asking me to do something stupid like fetch him tacks or boxes of tissue as if I meticulously studied the art of retrieval in school, I laugh at him and all of his obvious feats of overcompensation.I realize it’s probably not healthy to hate somebody so much, but I’m putting it to good use. Lately I’ve been going with The Boyfriend to the gym in the hopes of building some muscle in my spaghetti arms. In addition to being the funniest guy on the block, The Boyfriend is a wealth of weightlifting and protein powder and supplementation information. We were using this shoulder machine thing the other night at the gym and he kept saying, “GET ANGRY right before you push the weights up! Explode! GET ANGRY!!!”
The Boyfriend: Lift those weights! GET ANGRY!
Me (internal stream on consciousness): Dammit, Beady Eyes, you mofo! Get your tacks yourself you lazy ass beast!
The Boyfriend: Control your breathing! GET ANGRY!
Me (internal stream on consciousness): You lump of pasty pale flesh! Get yourself some badly needed cardio and walk the ten feet to the fax machine and exercise your fat fingers by fax your f-ing document yourself, Beady Eyes!
I’m disappointed and disgusted by the outcome of the election. My initial reaction: I better start training myself to say “aboot” instead of “about” so I’ll fit in when I move to Canada. I read in the San Francisco Chronicle that inquiries about at the Canadian embassy in Washington have increased since the results have come in.
When I realized that packing up and leaving wouldn’t really help anything (besides, Canada is cold and there’s no surfing there) I tried to think of realistic things I could do make the next four years tolerable. What will I do every time I hear or read about things that make me sick to my stomach? When I hear those crazed right-wingers going on and on and on about how they voted for Bush (who barely bumbled through the three debates) because he’s a good Christian what can I do besides suppressing my need to simultaneously throw up and to beat the shit out of something?
1. When I get pissed off about rants about how gay marriage is going to ruin society I’m going to give money/time to the Lambda Legal, which according to their website “is a national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and those with HIV through impact litigation, education and public policy work.” You can donate money directly through their site!
2. When I am disgusted about how our environment is being destroyed I’m contributing to the Sierra Club. Besides being able to donate to online, they have a really good section on their website that’s titled “Take Action,” where they give you info on how you can write letters or get involved with issues that may interest you or affect you
3. When I get frustrated with the increased funding of abstinence only programs and the draining of funding to programs that promote sexual education and contraception, or the taking away of a woman’s right to choose to have an abortion I’m funding Planned Parenthood .
GET ANGRY, people.
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