The Scarylibrarian

He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich

Bend It Like Beckham Movie Tally 02.04.04: three

The ground floor of my prison oops I mean my office building has a deli which I call the Pregnant Asian Sandwich Company. Everybody that works there is Asian (which is cool, as this is not meant in a derogatory fashion, just an observation) and at any given time at least one member of the deli staff is pregnant. I used to go to the Pregnant Asian Sandwich Co. every day when I first started doing time oops working here. The pastries and sandwiches were cheap and the coffee was strong.

I would get a sandwich a few times a week and I would feel really cleaver, like I cheated the system somehow, because of how cheap it was. Then, I noticed that every single time I ate food there I got a stomachache. My afternoon would be spent clutching my abdomen. I kept going back because the food was so damn cheap, and it didn't occur to me that I was really paying it off with my growing Pepto Bismol dependency.

So after a bad incident with some chicken soup six months ago, I stopped going.

Yesterday, because I only had three bucks on me and I didn't want to brave the rain to go to the ATM, I went back, thinking that I'd be fine. Everybody there was STILL Asian and the check out girl was 7 months pregnant. I ate a sandwich and it tasted good, although I was also ravenous, and temporarily insane from lack of sleep. I was okay until about two hours afterwards. I ended up hauling ass to Walgreen's to buy an industrial sized bottle of Pepto and took a shot of the pink stuff.

Ahhh. Relief. I'm NEVER going back there ever again.

Besides offering stomachache relief, Pepto has an amazing affect of blackening your poo! Yuk! In some cases it can even turn your tongue black.

It's because of the active ingredient, Bismuth subsalicylate. It's a mild antibiotic. When it combines with small amounts of sulfer present in your saliva and gastrointestinal tract, bismuth sulfide, a blackish substance is formed. Depending on how often you "drop the kids off at school," how much Pepto you've taken, and how old you are (your intestinal tract slows down as you get older), it may last up to several days. It's temporarily and harmless ... although a black tongue may gross out somebody you take out on a date, so refrain from showing off your tongue ring. You'll be in deep shit (ha ha ha!) then!

posted by The Scarylibrarian @ 10:50 AM